During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
