i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
