He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
