dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
