i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
