Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
