If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
