I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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