Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You are the jesus of drinking
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
