I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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