So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
even my farts smell like vagina
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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