I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
