no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
