I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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