i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We smell like vodka and hangover
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