A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
