The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize