It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
