apparently the secret to your success is patron
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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