worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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