Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
