The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize