He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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