Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(951): View more from California

Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down

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(216): View more from Ohio

i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Who keeps a bong in their car??

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.

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(408): View more from California

How was your sisters wedding?

(1-408): View more from California

Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.

(408): View more from California

sisterhood ftl.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(317): View more from Indiana

The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.

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(216): View more from Ohio

So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail

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(651): View more from Minnesota

It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.

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(360): View more from Washington

Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success

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(816): View more from Missouri

so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?

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