You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
