so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
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there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
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I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?