So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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