'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
