If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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