Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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