Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
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We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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