I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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