We need to rekindle our bromance
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
