Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
