she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
do nipples grow back?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
