woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
