last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
