your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
MIDGETS
????
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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