So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
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I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some magic done to my vagina
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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