im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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