Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
