here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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