I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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