Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
