i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
