Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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