I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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