I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
