i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
