my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
