hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
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I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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