big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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