He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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