I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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