I wanna bring you to show and tell
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
