I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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