Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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