I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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