I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
