I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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